Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
