I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
