I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
