We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
