I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
