At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
