hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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