I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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