Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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