yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
