i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
