Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
