This show inspires me to have sex in space
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
