Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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