I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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