She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
