I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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