You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize