Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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