you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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