I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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