Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
