it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
