he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
