why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
