The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
