I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
