that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize