Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
