last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
