I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
