Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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