Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
