Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
