We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
