Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
