I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize