I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
