you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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