Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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