dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I need to calm my uterus...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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