Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
