Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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