He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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