Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
