last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
