took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
