It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
