Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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