i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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