my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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