sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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