i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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