Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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