Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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