smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
