Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
