i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
