shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
