and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
