I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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